Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
