***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
