went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
