are you so shy because you have an std?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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