just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
