so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
