how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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