I'm so fucking centered right now
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
