Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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