I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
