If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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