When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
