so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
