bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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