They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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