we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
