woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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