his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
