I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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