Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
