A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vagina is officially offended.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
