Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
