I love black thongs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
