It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
