She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
