Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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