I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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