I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
