i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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