who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
nutella sex= disaster
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
