He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
