I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am one with the molecules
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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