I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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