I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
