I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
