My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
