So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
