Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Text me some of your sweat
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
