Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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