So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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