Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
