No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
