Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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