the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
