I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
