I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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