I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
