Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
