she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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