im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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