i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
